Dear Alison: I am in my 30s and for many years have agonised over my sexuality

MY girlfriend met another guy and split up with me after we both got into a depression when our baby girls were born prematurely and died. She lacked affection and apparently found the perfect guy to give her everything she needs. I have stopped contact with her so we both can get on with our lives. She now goes on holiday every two months to see this guy, but every time she comes back she contacts me and wants me to comfort her. My plans are to get away from all this, while her idea to get on with her life is to have a baby with this guy and also spend as much time with me as possible. I think she needs help, but is it me who has to help her?

Sometimes we are too close to a situation to help and I think that is the case here. You are trying to distance yourself, let go and move on and that would seem appropriate, but your ex is intent on pulling you back. It would appear you are more of a support network for her than anything else. She may well benefit from help, but would need to decide that for herself. You might suggest she see her GP, if you feel that would be beneficial, particularly as you have both suffered a loss, where support or bereavement counselling could be appropriate.

I AM in my 30s and for many years have agonised over my sexuality. I had a number of boyfriends, but never felt comfortable enough to have sex. I am not a silly girl and after a lot of soul-searching have realised I prefer close relationships with other women and not men. I discussed it with my parents and because they were not happy with my decision, I moved out and now live in my own home. I have a new girlfriend. She has also experienced uncertainty in her relationships and has asked if she can move in with me and live as a couple. I am not certain I am ready for this, but I don't want to lose her. It has taken a lot of soul-searching to get to this level of self confidence and I don't want to do the wrong thing now.

Your gut instinct is telling you that you are not ready for this level of commitment. If this relationship is to work, you need to have no doubts. I feel certain your partner will give you the time and space you feel you need. If you then decide to live together, it will be with confidence, giving the relationship a better chance of success. However, to avoid your partner feeling she is in limbo or being strung along, keep communicating with her and explaining how you feel.