A review: Silent Hill Revelation 3D (15) Vue Cinema, The Square, Newcastle
Written and directed by Michael J. Bassett, the only revelation brought about through this horror/come gothic sequel was the entrance fee priced at £10.40 and the box of popcorn costing £4.60. Yes, for the less hardy, the price of the popcorn could initiate a shiver to run right down ones spine.
After being stung at the foyer, we were then served up the compulsory 20-30 minutes of advertisements featuring the same genre of gothic/thriller/gun-toting American dross.
Centred on a follow-up to Silent Hill, this mismatch of shots (known as film) of the so-called surreal 3D variety was futile to say the least. The featured characters included obscure monsters like 'Pyramid Head' who it was hoped, would inspire another computer game come fantasy craze where children would mass purchase a little pyramid headed doll (to tally with the 1996 PlayStation game Silent Hill).
The script supposedly follows the exploits of an eighteen year old kid known as Sharon/Heather (Adelaide Clemens) and her silly dad (Sean Bean) who had apparently mastered a ridiculous American accent just for the part. These two, amongst others, intermittently find themselves in some weird parallel universe that perhaps only the writer could possibly have any incline as to the significance of.
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The opening scenes feature the father-daughter relationship where Facebook, Twitter and other social networks are conveniently scripted into the dialogue to remind some: that North America culturally rules, and to remind others: that it was just another cultural propagation of the all-American kind.
It was noted with sadness that the fine English actor Malcolm McDowell (Leonard) of Caligula class had compromised his distinguished career by taking part in such backward cinematographic shenanigans. It appears that greenbacks must be the one and only driving force in today's acting circles.
These unbelievably muddled shenanigans manifested themselves into a kind of mix of Hostel, come Saw, which was all-inclusive of the typically creaking chains and underground steel-like labyrinths. It was no coincidence then that Lions Gate had produced/distributed this nonsense, as one scene featured a random act of cutting flesh from a human being and then placing it in a hot pan to eat.
Sitting there with silly sunglasses on, it seemed that the 3D effect enabled the viewer to surreally look into the scene, which often included loud bangs and snow appearing up close. However, I did giggle out loud when some 'Batman' like fantasy baddie with multiple heads, bellowed a cackle seemingly, into my face.
At this point I noted that my companion for the evening had conveniently fallen to sleep throughout, as I could hear light snores that were definitely not in 3D. I then felt a slight chill and wondered if this was another 3D trick but no, winter had finally begun to arrive in north Staffordshire, so I decided to use the gents to warm up and to 'kill' a few moments.
I did not miss much because this occult, come monster, come amulet finding Enid Blyton like story was coming to a conclusion as in the penultimate sequence, the now gun-toting kid was inevitably blasting a few after being pursued by the just as predictable Keystone Cops.
Half expecting a half-baked twist at the death, the twist was that there was no twist and Sean Bean returned to the parallel universe to look for his wife and that was the end.
It seems like reviewers everywhere carry on the pretence that this film is a one-off anomaly and a disaster of its kind; as in similar films of this theme somehow differ. It can be successfully argued however, that this is not the case.
This befuddled action/thriller/fantasy horror production dubbed 'Silent Hill' is a prime example of the current 'script fettered' cinema culture and is an archetypal example of the random nonsense being transmitted as entertainment.
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