The hotel where all its guests go naked
The Hotel Inspector Five, 9pm
HOTEL owner Tim first encountered naturism on a foreign exchange trip to Finland. Must have come as a shock when the headmaster greeted him off the coach.
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NAKED TRUTH: Hotel inspector Alex Polizzi has her work cut out when she visits a hotel for naturists.
He's had an interest in it ever since but, when a farmer, was never able to indulge himself. It's just not that great an idea near a threshing machine.
In later life, however, he's turned his back on funny shaped turnips and instead opened a nudist hotel. A bit like Club 18-30 accommodation, only official.
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The Clover Hotel & Spa, in Birmingham, is a place where it's compulsory to remove your clothes. Similar to an unpleasant procedure at the doctor's only with a full English breakfast.
Tim insists guests are naked at all times, even when eating in the restaurant. Which is OK so long as there's not a dog around after a sausage.
Hotel Inspector Alex Polizzi isn't against nudity. Without it there'd be no hair in bath plugholes for her to complain about. But eating in the nude just isn't her bag. The last thing you want is the soup of the day down your cleavage.
"I don't have a problem with nudity but I found that disconcerting," she said of the prospect of garment-free dining. I know how she feels. I once attended the shooting of a nude Women's Institute calendar where they'd forgotten the cream cakes.
"It's an awful reality of life," continued Polizzi, "that most people look better dressed." Sadly, I haven't seen enough naked ones to comment.
On the other hand I'd agree that, if I was staying at a nudist hotel, I wouldn't particularly want to find myself next to Ann Widdecombe in the lift.
Polizzi felt that Tim's insistence on permanent nudity in all areas was behind (geddit?) the hotel's lack of guests. Even naturists like to robe sometimes. For instance, most of them will at least wear a thong round Morrisons.
Even in the lounge area, guests had to be nude. Fair enough until you're searching for a different game on Wimbledon and press the wrong red button.
"The worst part," said Polizzi, "was that Tim didn't even have an alcohol licence." Vodka can sting, Alex, you know.
"It's a long time since anyone's asked me to get my kit off without offering me a drink first," she added. Yes, 2007, when I bumped into her at Keele Services.
There was an attempt to boost trade by organising a nude flash mob in a shopping centre, but all it did was remind a few people they needed some dried olives from Holland & Barrett.
To be honest, though, you don't need to travel to Birmingham to revel in your own nakedness. You just need to know the right people up the Westlands.
Comments
by MilleD
Monday, July 23 2012, 1:09PM
“Was this article written by a 12 year old?
Unbelievably bad.”
by Differential
Sunday, July 08 2012, 9:49AM
“Each to their own, I suppose, but frankly I would rather eat my own feet than stay in this "hotel".
Sharing accommodation with a bunch of assorted weirdos exposing their all in the dining room and lounge isn't my bag.”
by cephus42
Saturday, July 07 2012, 9:39AM
“I rather like the fast that one of the journos they had to the big event at the end of the show threw himself into it and obviously had a whale of a time au naturel. A few to many innuendos for my liking, but overall entertaining. Polizzi always wins me over with a well-timed "dahhling"”
by LexyHiker
Saturday, July 07 2012, 7:51AM
“The utterly inane, idiotic, juvenile, pathetically unfunny commentary is merely the writer's defence mechanism against his or her own discomfort with nudity. Was there no one available who could manage to write about this topic with some intelligence and maturity?”
by DarrenSw1965
Saturday, July 07 2012, 7:10AM
“"The Clover Hotel & Spa, in Birmingham, is a place where it's compulsory to remove your clothes. Similar to an unpleasant procedure at the doctor's only with a full English breakfast."
Of all the prejudiced and insulting attempts at humour (including a direct insult against Ann Widdecombe) the above quoted paragraph shows extreme prejudice on the writer's part, and probably the most prejudice against naturism that I have ever seen.
The writer and publisher of this article should be ashamed of the lack of professionalism displayed in this article.”
by LexyHiker
Saturday, July 07 2012, 2:10AM
“What dreck. Awful, awful, awful.”
by BN_PRO
Saturday, July 07 2012, 1:13AM
“Oh dear! What a prejudiced article, but what can I expect of someone who has clearly made no effort to understand what motivates the 3.7 million Naturists in this country (source: IPSOS/MORI poll, Oct. 2011)
I suppose we have to expect the same tired old double entendres in such an article as were, quite frankly, used far too much in the programme as well. But the insults we could certainly do without. Recent experience of much of the media has been that it has moved on from this kind of cheap journalism, but not here it seems. I do hope that this isn't Staffordshire, because I live here!
Clover Spa is a great place - I know, I've been there.
BTW, I simply don't get what you mean when you say "A bit like Club 18-30 accommodation, only official." I simply cannot imagine where your brain went to to get that!”