My friends tell me to dump girlfriend
I've been with my girlfriend for nearly two years and we have quite an on-off relationship where she finishes with me regularly for the slightest thing and then we always seem to get back together. I've told her I'm fed up with this and that she's got to stop being like this or I won't carry on going out with her but deep down I really love her and know I'll keep taking her back. Friends think I'm mad and tell me to dump her. How can I make her stop being like this?
I'm afraid you can't ever make anyone do anything unless they choose to do so for themselves. You could wish that your girlfriend behaved differently but she'll only do that when she realises her behaviour is counter-productive. At the moment because you are colluding with her in her behaviour, by taking her back each time, she isn't learning that this is a bad way to behave in a relationship. My guess is she gets something from the making up bit after the break-up. Perhaps she feels you pay her more attention or that it brings you closer or she's testing you. What she is failing to see is that she is much more likely to bring about the end of this relationship in the long term. Try to understand why she behaves like this and what it is she needs, whether to feel more loved or secure, then work on that together.
My sister came to live with us when her marriage ended five months ago because her husband had become violent. We have always been very close. My husband though is pressuring me to ask her about moving out. He feels that she's been with us long enough now and should be making steps to find somewhere to live of her own. I feel really uncomfortable about doing that because she's gone through such a bad time. This is causing rows between my husband and me which I don't want. I feel stuck in the middle and don't know which way to turn.
You'll probably hate me for saying this but I tend to agree with your husband. There has to come a point at which your sister gets on with her life. Five months is quite a long time and you have shown her your support which will continue no doubt as she takes her next steps. Being so close to her may mean that having her around is really quite pleasant for you but your husband may be feeling excluded and the very fact it is causing you to row is not god for your own relationship. Start to discuss with your sister her plans. Support her in looking for somewhere to live. Once your husband sees you are working towards this goal I am sure he will feel happier.
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I have suffered from depression for many years because I had a very difficult relationship with my parents. My mother had me when she was 17 and I've never known my dad. She married later and had two daughters who were treated very differently to me by my stepdad. I left home at 15 and don't have anything to do with my family. They have never bothered to get in touch. I'm 30 now and have never been able to hold down a relationship for long. I hate myself and don't feel I have anything to offer anyone. I have tried to take my life twice I would love to meet someone and settle down and have a family but what woman would want me when I have nothing to offer?
I am sorry you have experienced such pain and sadness. I can understand why relationships have been so difficult for you to sustain. Having been on anti depressants for such a long time I would have hoped your GP would have arranged some counselling. If not please return to your GP and discuss this with him. You could also contact Relate who could help you explore the relationships you have had in the past and help you look at what you might do differently to create a more successful relationship.
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