“Iv also placed small planks with 6inc nails and screws on every other step leading to the upper landing and down to the basement with a smear of butter on every other step god forbid if anyone slipped i think i should of used goose fat as its xmas, i dont want to spend to much on the rotton scroundrels,just incase they gat a grip iv lased the banister with size 6 sea fishing hooks and i have blackout blinds in every room in my house

I wont tell you what i have smeared the nails or the traps in as it is quiet un pleasent”

“I think that the scariest part of this post is the spelling.”

“Just in case you are seriously thinking otherwise - if you set traps with the intention of causing physical harm to an intruder, you would almost certainly be charged with a criminal offence because that would far exceed "reasonable force". Given that you've stated that you are actually targeting people you suspect or know are likely to enter your property, you could face far more serious charges - up to and including murder.

If nothing else, you have to appreciate that whilst you are away, there could be genuine, lawful reasons for someone to enter your home - the fire brigade being just one obvious suggestion”

“Wow u r not playing i understand about the fire brigade i will have to buy some sprinklers but dont no much about the law in the great britian but i no it was banned in scotland in the 1800s is it the same in great britian,?”

“It's only a criminal offence if you get caught. If somebody gets hurt inside your property you need to get there before the Police and finish them off, then it's just the simple matter of disposal.”

“No doubt in the age of diversity and equality the notice will have to be in several languages, as well as Braille, and be illuminated so that it can seen in the dark. You will also need to conduct a risk assessment, provide a "method of working" statement, provide an audio version of the notice for those who are illiterate, a 'feedback' form for your 'customer' to report on the quality of your information, make sure that all your traps are CE marked, and try to ensure that the persons who get trapped represent an ethnic cross-section of your neighbourhood.”

“The safest way would be to use some kind of giant humane mousetrap. Put a tempting morsel of mince pie on the lever part, voila! You'll either catch your burglar soaked in their own urine upon your return or you will have suffocated Santa. Still, nevermind the poor kids eh! Aslong as your house is safe!”

“Oh this sound fun. Please leave an address so I can put my Ninja suit on and see how far I get”

“......this is a wind-up is it not....?? Where do you live BTW??”

“Whats is a wind up when your home is being violated anyway the queen has got armed guards at her palace a mans home is his castle isnt it?So i see no harm in protecting my home the queen is allowed to use bullets i choose to use bear traps.”

“But as far as we're aware Her Majesty doesn't have automated weapons which will open fire without checking whether or not the target is viable. She has armed guards who would have to show that they believed their actions to be reasonable and necessary under the circumstances. They would also have to show that the level of force used was proportionate to the perceived threat.

Assuming you're actually serious I think you should check out the Occupier's Liability Act 1984. It's possible for someone to visit your property without permission and unannounced but still be a 'licensed visitor'. You have a duty of care to ensure the safety of these visitors.”

“Beartraps, just make your house as secure as possible with 5 lever mortice locks and by other reasonable legal means then make sure you pay your house insurance.

Your suggested imaginative illegal steps to protect your property are more likely to land you in jail, sued for compensation by the burglar who gets hurt, or both. Not worth it.”

“So i suppose if i was to have a metal fence with spikes coming out of it and barbed wire and someone chose to climb over it i would be responsable whats the difference?

Anyway a burgular comes to your home equipt crowbar screwdriver ect witch could be used to harm the owners so whats reasonable for them?As a crack on the head or stabbed from a screw driver sounds like danger to me!

Why should insurance companys profit from peoples fears of being burgaled you enter a mans home you enter at your own risk”

“I once lived in Chell Heath (say no more). I got sick of having stuff nicked fom my (brick built) shed so I covered over the passage between shed and house with a massive bomb proof roof with a door each end. To stop the thieving ******** putting their hands under the doors to undo the bolts I whacked some nails into pieces of wood and bent them over so they pointed down. I imagined with a blissful grin their nasty little hands getting ripped to shreds. Was this legal? The nail bit probably wasn't, but all I know was that I never lost any more bikes or lawnmowers again. By the time I fitted security gates on the rear windows, that place was like Fort Knox.
This what it takes these days unfortunately.”

“We are plagued with bears here in South Stoke,A Grizzly had five fish, out of me pond this morning,it would have been more,only our cat chased him off.”

“Where are staying ,some where near chedleton I hope.”