No-one is blushing at racy best seller
Sex Story: Fifty Shades Of Grey C4
FIFTY Shades Of Grey is the UK's fastest selling paperback of all time. Faster even than Debbie McGee: A Memoir.
A month ago, people thought riots had reignited in city centres across the country. Instead, it was just coachloads of women, many still with their own teeth, descending on WH Smith.
You're no-one without a copy of Fifty Shades. Close observers even spotted one tumbling out of the Queen's handbag as she descended into the Olympic Stadium.
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Word is it's going to be made into a film, although it's said to depend on whether Deirdre from Coronation Street is available.
Personally, I've not read the tome, although I feel I've got an idea what it's like after a short period window-cleaning in the Westlands.
Channel 4's documentary posed the question as to whether Fifty Shades has really transformed us from a nation of prudes to one which sees Meccano as a love-making aid. High street ironmongers have never had it so good.
Are the British, a nation still struggling to come to terms with the toasted sandwich maker, it wondered, really ready to embrace sexual experimentation? A recent survey did, after all, reveal that 95 per cent of British men still wear socks in bed.
Even if both parties are in the mood, the moment's often ruined by the cat watching from the end of the duvet.
We visited various places able to help us form an opinion. There was the alternative night-school class, for example. I'm not sure what it was called. Possibly 25 Lesser Known Uses For A Garden Cane.
Then there were the couple who'd written 'sex contracts' with each other, using a downloadable form from the website of Tiger Woods.
The programme also examined the sociological and cultural effects the book is having in the UK.
It prominently features several pieces of classical music, many of which fans have downloaded.
Although quite who it is who enjoys getting fruity to the theme from The Omen is unsure.
Naturally, book clubs across the land have shared the bestseller, several members of an Eastbourne collective needing emergency resuscitation with smelling salts.
Adult retailer Ann Summers is also reaping the benefits. Sales of PVC cardigans, in particular, have gone through the roof.
Of course, the programme pointed out, this isn't the first racy tome to tickle the nation's fancy.
There was the Secret Diary Of A Call Girl series, written by the mysterious Belle De Jour, and Secret Diary Of A Binman, written by Dave, who does a round in Scunthorpe.
Whatever, the book has changed the context in which smut is read – on the train, in the caravan, even at the hairdressers.
You might want to draw the line at a Christening though.