Life Of Riley BBC1

I'M NO pessimist but the modern family is a disaster. One in three marriages ends in divorce, parents have no idea where their children are, and women are grandmas at 27. The only time most families 'communicate' is on Jeremy Kyle.

The last remaining place where family members co-exist in playful harmony is in sitcoms such as Life Of Riley, a show so desperately middle-class that the only surprise is it's not sponsored by a couscous manufacturer.

I mean, when was the last time your child asked for quiche? They're more likely to ask to be birched.

But the biggest lie that any mum and dad will recognise is that the main parental combination, Jim and Maddy, actually have energy. Any parent worth their salt will tell you that the majority of their time is spent stranded in a mental hinterland somewhere between physical collapse and a lunatic asylum. Occasionally there's a brief respite when little Agnes and Sidney are setting fire to something in the garden, but otherwise it's relentless hard work. It's a well known fact that for every one family that brings in Supernanny, three bring in the SAS.

Maddy, in particular, is way too upbeat about her domestic life. Bearing in mind she's in charge of an extended family circle of children, step-children, step-siblings, and half-siblings, she should by rights be wandering the house with a cattle-prod, not breezing around like a CBeebies presenter.

At least Jim is tinged with a little more realism. "Romance is just for getting someone to marry you," he told his wife as she pestered him to spend more time with her. "Once they've done so, you don't need to bother anymore."

Personally, I find marriage and romance can be combined. For instance, each Valentine's Day I get my wife a new iron.

In the end, the couple did manage a night out together but sadly their hopes of closeness were dashed against the rocks of stereotyping as their embarrassed children turned up round every corner.

The actors' own embarrassment at the script was covered by something else. Thank goodness for that other great sitcom institution, the laughter track.