Benidorm ITV1

I'VE never been to Benidorm, although I have been to Torremolinos. A word of warning – don't mix squid with San Miguel.

I've never felt overly compelled to return to the sunspots of the Spanish Costas, although since the man-boobs came along I suppose I could now go topless.

Starting up where Duty Free left off, Benidorm follows the misfortunes of a group of bargain-hunting holidaymakers who return annually to the Solana resort despite the venture always ending in acrimony and disaster.

A comedy forever veering on the farcical, any last semblance of believability is somewhat spoilt by the fact that every outside shot is watched by a vast crowd of holidaymakers. It says little for the real delights of Benidorm that tourists would rather spend their days watching a generally disappointing scene being set up somewhere in the middle distance. This one-hour special began with outspoken grandma Madge somewhat distraught after new husband Mel was knocked unconscious by an out-of-control paragliding Johnny Vegas at their beachside wedding. "Oh dear," noted a guest, "Madge looks upset."

"It may have something to do with the happiest day of her life ending with her husband-to-be being drop-kicked by a flying Yorkshire pudding, potentially making her a widow before she's even been married," someone pointed out.

Vegas, aka quiz champ The Oracle, did eventually turn up. "I've been worried about you," his mum said. "The people who owned the parachute said you'd crash-landed and nearly wiped out a family of Germans."

Sadly, it was one of the few funny lines in a comedy that made the common 'one-off special' mistake of replacing the day-to-day interplay of the characters with a big set piece, here involving a violent hoodlum taking several of them hostage.

The holiday rep offered them a free week at the Solana next year as compensation. If it's anything like this, I for one will be hoping they don't take it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you get none of this in Fleetwood.