The Fabulous Baker Brothers C4

"I'VE got baking in my blood," says Tom Herbert, a man prone more than most to yeast infections.

"A life without bread frankly isn't worth living," he added. Although I think, at a push, most of us would choose existence over toast.

Tom is a fifth generation baker.

"My granddad believed anyone can bake," he said, "and so do I."

I respect their optimism but neither has tried my mother's mince pies.

Tom's brother Henry runs the butchers next to Tom's bakery. "Most of the time we work together," said Tom, "but at other times it's war as we fight hand-to-hand in a weekly pie contest."

Whether they ever duel with baguettes was unclear.

This week, the brothers were preparing 'the food of love'. Not Dairylea cheese, but breakfast in bed.

"If you want to show your love, there's nothing like it," said Henry.

Yes, nothing says it better than a plate of black pudding with a side of brown sauce.

"For me, it's got to be Eggs Benedict," he continued. "Look at that, a whole plate of love."

I think he'd got it mixed up with Fabergé.

This week's challenge was to make a pie to woo hairdressers.

"It's got to be sweet, irresistible, and melt hearts," said Tom.

If it lends itself to a dusting of dandruff all the better.

"The hairdressing students always used to flirt with me," he added, "when I was studying bakery in the next classroom."

They used to help him plait his buns.

Tom went for a cherry meringue tart, but the shampoo brigade preferred Henry's passion fruit creation.

It was tastier and didn't go off when left overnight in a hair cupboard.

"Seductive sweets are all very well," said Henry, "but if you don't get your main course right your lover won't hang around for afters."

That's why you're better taking them to McDonald's where it all arrives together.

Henry plumped for a slow cooked cassoulet with duck and sausages.

"It gives you plenty of time to spend with your loved ones," he explained.

If you're not getting on, plump for a Pot Noodle.

Actually, if you have had a row, Tom suggests a creation called Get Out Of Trouble Cake.

"Better than a bunch of flowers from the petrol station eh?" he boasted.

Possibly, although I'd still say it falls short of a can of Duckham's Hypergrade.

And thus the Fabulous Baker Brothers departed.

Next week: The perfect flan for renewing your wedding vows.