MARTIN SPINKS
THE next four days will be an assault on the mind and body, so our masseurs, the intriguingly named Athletes Angels, are laying odds on where their healing hands and soothing words will be most needed between John O'Groats and Land's End...
250/1: Willpower. However weak the body, the mind is pretty strong and so determination shouldn't be a great issue. Especially with master motivator Tony Pulis shouting the odds a bike length away.
10/1: The brain. It went AWOL briefly on Kilimanjaro two years ago, but there was the excuse of high altitude causing fluid on the old grey matter. People say it remains a bit damp to this day, but that's just old age.
8/1: The groin. A popular source of pain on the football pitch, but it's an area of the body that remains largely untouched on a bike… especially in tight shorts. But with those Angels of mercy around…
Visiting the Home & Garden show this Sunday?
We will have some exclusive deals for you so make sure you visit our stand and say hello
Terms: With free entry just visit the show at the Moat House hotel Festival Park between 11am and 4pm and pick up a leaflet
Contact: 01782 342609
Valid until: Sunday, June 23 2013
5/1: Feet and ankles. Not normally a problem, but corns and blisters will feast in such hot and sweaty socks.
4/1: Bowels and stomach. Long cycle rides disrupt the hardiest of constitutions, so stand by for a few Paula Radcliffe moments along the way. The odd pit-stop among the Scottish heather won't end the ride… unless that sprig of heather turns out to be a spiky gorse.
2/1: Back and neck. You end up looking like a tea pot after a few days in the saddle.Unseemly and potentially agonising.
Evens: The heart. Turning over nicely enough during training, but it will be thumping 10 to the dozen up those Scottish fells.
2/1 on: The backside. Only a regular cyclist will understand the intense discomfort.
That bone-hard saddle soon digs through the fleshiest of bottoms and starts grating the coccyx bone. It's an area of the body you never even knew existed. And the Angels won't be queuing up to help you down there.
10/1 on: The thighs. The engine room for any cyclist, but for those with twigs for legs, a genuine cause for concern going up those arduous mountain climbs.
The Angels will earn their bonus pay here, but at least they won't be wasting too much liniment on these matchsticks.
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