MY partner calls my children names, what is the effect of this and how can I explain it must stop?

Rachel, mother-of-two, Stoke

Calling children names can have a big effect on their self esteem and harm the relationship between parent and child.

Children who are shouted at or put down are also more likely to use these strategies themselves in return.

Reacting strongly to a situation will also escalate the problem rather than soothe it. It is important that you and your partner find some time to discuss calmer strategies to manage misbehaviour and how to control negative reactions.

See if both of you can imagine how you would like to be treated if you were a small child. Put yourselves in your child's place and realise how frightening a large, angry adult can be to a little one. The inspirational poem Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Law Nolte may help him see how names are hurtful.

Perhaps there is a problem with his anger or stress, try North Staffs MIND on 01782 262100 who offer services which may help. If you cannot agree on these issues, then ask your school nurse about parenting classes or other support in your area.

HOW can I get across to my 16-month-old that it is naughty to hit? Lucy, mother-of-one, Baddeley Green.

Your toddler is asserting himself and is only in the early stages of learning what is right or wrong.

He needs you to teach him the difference between gentle touch and hurtful hitting. React quickly, but calmly when he hits, come close to him and say in an assertive voice "Stop, that hurts". Then show him how to touch gently by stroking him or massaging and getting him to copy on you. Say, "This is how we touch gently". If you feel you must give him a consequence, take away his toy for under a minute or move him to the side of his play activity for a very short period. He is too young for strategies such as the naughty step or time out, which is useful for major misbehaviour from age two onwards. If he does not seem to take you seriously, giggling or hitting again to see what you do, perhaps he is mistaking your reaction as playful or funny. In this case make sure your face looks serious and that your tone of voice is authoritative when you tell him to stop. Do not be disheartened if this takes a while to sink in, he has got so much to learn at the moment.