The Dichotomy of Love

I can never forget a story read in the Sentinel some years back. It was concerning a dispute between two young women vying for the affection of one young man. Anyway, to cut a long story short, the consequences were that outside the Out of Town inn on Town Road, Hanley and in a fit of jealous rage, one young woman pulled the other's skirt right down.

This set me thinking as to what love is and how it renders us? Some believe it is a basic chemical reaction between one person and another, where the heart flutters, the stomach flips over, and one becomes obsessed by the other and it can be equal and fulfilling.

In contrast, it's not all roses; this obsession can be all consuming, slowly at first like a worm burrowing into the brain, it can disable, it can confuse and be so intense people can actually kill themselves or others because of it; sometimes because 'they couldn't live without them'.

Some of those in love live in a trance like state. They don't eat or sleep and it governs their entire thought process.  As in when they do manage to fall sleep (unconsciousness being the only respite) the object of their desire is the last face they see.   Not to mention that the first seconds of brain function in the waking hour centres on that one same person again.  

Wow look at this!!!

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Besides, many in the love state cannot hold a conversation with an outside party unless they are associating a simple topic (like the weather) as a comparison of to whether their loved one would hold that same view. 

Such is the degree of being controlled by another one can play mind games with their loved one in order to relay the message that if they ever feel their partner doesn't  want them, others will. Is this really love or possessive ownership of another human being?

But why do we seek out this state of being and why does it determine our lives? Reproductive programming could be the answer to this conundrum as in the genetic need to procreate as a specie and pair up with a mate overrides anything else. It is not dissimilar to our requirement for food, shelter and security, which begs the question: Is there a correlation between love and lust; as in are they so very different?  What's more, how many couples are involved and committed to unloving relationships because they are terrified of being alone?

This brings into the equation the double dichotomy of: can two people love each other with the same velocity, and can you truly grow to love somebody in a relationship? Furthermore, can that growing love be just as powerful as the 'love at first sight' variety? After all, many desire passion as a pre-requisite to a loving relationship don't they?

It also goes without saying that invariably, one partner loves the other either more or less than the other partner. Is it therefore better to love a partner less and always wonder what you are missing, or is it better to love your mate more and experience all the torment that inevitably fits that descriptor?

Conclusively, if ones love is on the tepid side would they be less hurt if the relationship should end? After all, the realist would say the average relationship only lasts seven years in any event. Whereas, if the love does not break down naturally over time, death will inevitably bring about its demise.

Which brings on the question of what happens when love dies a natural dearth? As in one partner just does not love the other anymore? Is it comparable to a dispossession as in one should not curl up and die in distress but breathe a sigh of relief? After all, that haunted look after riding the roller coaster of emotions was not exactly pleasant was it? 

What was it Oscar Wilde said: "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

Hmmm, not convinced on that one.