I AM 19 years old, in a boring job and have very little social life. It has taken me months to pluck up the courage to write this, I am not very confident and I like to keep myself to myself but at the same time I need a life. How can I do anything different? My parents never encouraged me at school, saying it wasn't good for a girl to be brainy and that I would get married and be a mother and that's what matters! I never tried at school because of this, which I regret and I am certainly not ready to be married.

Well done for taking this first step for some help. The lack of encouragement you have received has made you doubt your own self-worth. If there are subjects you are interested in, why not enrol at college, maybe night school, and do something you enjoy? Maybe, if you feel you want to, you could gain a qualification. The only person who can change your life is you, which isn't easy with no confidence.

Think about what you feel you could be good at or you do well. Think of clubs you could join such as a gym or similar which you could attend alone and maybe get to meet people.

I feel the night school option is a good one as by learning a new skill you will increase your self-worth and in turn help to build up your confidence.

I have been having an affair with a married man for the last three years and I am fully aware that despite his marriage being unhappy, he has no intention of leaving his wife because of their children.

I am fine with that and I'm not pressurising him for anything more. Our arrangement suits me and the sex we share is great and important to us both. The problem I have is how my two sons view this relationship. They can't imagine I can be happy and fear I am being used for sex.

I know that this is my business and I don't need my sons' approval, but this is coming between us. I would just like them to accept my decision and for us to go back to how we were. How can I achieve this?

You are quite right – this is your business and you seem very content with the relationship you have and the basis on which it works.

My guess is that your sons find it quite shocking that you have an arrangement like this and clearly they feel that you are being used. Can you try explaining to them why this suits you? What are the positives for you of being in a relationship that is less conventional, say, than a committed relationship where a couple live together 24/7?

Your sons' issue with the relationship is saying more about them than you, so I would suggest that if anyone needs to talk through their feelings about this from a counselling perspective, it's them and so individual counselling would be very helpful.