I KNOW this may sound trivial, but it is causing me a problem. My daughter, aged 17, doesn't take pride in her appearance and I find this embarrassing. When I have said anything about tidying her hair or putting on make-up she accuses me of putting her down. How can I accept her for how she is?

Accepting someone's differences can be hard. Perhaps you feel your daughter's casual approach to herself reflects on you as parents – what will others think if she goes out looking a mess? She clearly does not place the same importance on grooming as you do and does at least have the confidence to be seen for who she is, rather than how she looks. In some ways it's refreshing in a world where so much emphasis is placed on looks and size that she is doing it differently. Try to focus on the positives, rather than allowing this to undermine your relationship.

MY BOYFRIEND has ended our relationship loads of times to go out with other women and then comes back to me. I finished with him over Christmas and went out with someone else on one date. I realised I had made a mistake and, contacted my ex, but he refused to have me back. I'm so hurt and angry that the first time I've behaved like him in three years of dating and he's refusing to get back together. I love him, what can I do?

It feels like he wants the freedom to see other women, but not for you to see other men. This on/off situation has been going on for three years. Are you happy with that? What are the expectations of this relationship? Before rushing into trying to reconcile with him, why not have counselling to help you explore why you remain in what a lot of people would consider an unsatisfactory situation?

MY STEPSON has a bad drink problem. He is aged 23 and we have done all we can to try to help him come off alcohol, but to no avail. My husband is aged 52, has high blood pressure and a stressful job. I know this affects him and the last thing he feels able to do is walk away from his son, but the situation is destroying us. How can I help him see we have done all we can and release him from this nightmare?

It is a thankless task in many cases to try and keep an addict clean. They have to want to do this themselves. Yet it's the hardest thing to walk away, because of the guilt you feel for giving up on them. My guess is your husband feels he can't do that, despite feeling frustrated with his son. If you have involved outside agencies, his GP and any other resource that could be of help to him and nothing has helped, then very often it's a case of him hitting rock bottom that is the catalyst to change. Reassure your husband that you are not withdrawing your love, but help him recognise what you're doing now is not making a difference, therefore it's pointless continuing, particularly at a cost of your own health.